Toxic Boss Got You Down? How to Remember Your Worth in a Toxic Workplace

I’ve worked for a toxic boss before.

Years ago, I took a job with a small recruitment firm in Dubai. I’d been unemployed for a year after losing my job in the financial crisis. And while my instinct was telling me to run a mile during the interview with the owner, I accepted the role; I was desperate.

From day one, I could see the managers were toxic, humiliating employees at every chance in front of the entire office. They accepted no accountability and publicly blamed and shamed every day to the point that even the men were in tears. After 6 months, everyone had left. Except me. My low self-belief, fears of job insecurity and shaky self-worth kept me trapped in an environment that was destroying my confidence. Until one day, I finally said, “Enough. I am worth more than this.” And developed an exit strategy out of this toxic workplace.

Understanding the Difference: Constructive Feedback vs. Toxic Criticism

Feedback plays a crucial role in professional development. However, when that feedback comes from a toxic source, it can be devastating to your confidence and career growth. For the sake of our mental health and career success, it’s crucial to learn the difference between constructive criticism and toxic behaviour.

What Makes Feedback Constructive?

Constructive feedback is specific, actionable, and delivered with the intention of helping you improve. It focuses on behaviours and outcomes rather than personal attacks, and it’s typically balanced with recognition of your strengths. Good managers provide feedback that:

• Addresses specific situations or behaviours with your success in mind
• Offers concrete suggestions for improvement
• Maintains respect for you as a person
• Acknowledges your efforts and achievements
• Creates opportunities for dialogue and questions

Recognising Toxic Workplace Feedback

Toxic feedback, on the other hand, often stems from insecurity, power struggles, or a dysfunctional workplace culture. This type of criticism is designed to diminish rather than develop, and it can manifest in several harmful ways:

1. Personal Attacks: When feedback targets your character rather than your work performance, it crosses the line into toxicity. Comments like “you’re not leadership material” or “you’ll never succeed in this industry” are red flags.

2. Inconsistent Standards: Toxic bosses often move goalposts, making it impossible for you to meet their expectations. They may praise work one day and criticise identical work the next.

3. Public Humiliation: Constructive feedback happens in private settings. Toxic managers deliberately shame employees in front of colleagues to assert dominance.

4. Gaslighting: This involves making you question your own perception of events. A toxic boss might deny previous conversations or claim they never gave certain instructions.

The Psychological Impact of a Toxic Boss and Toxic Workplace

How Toxic Feedback Affects Your Mental Health

Working under a toxic boss or within a dysfunctional culture can have serious psychological consequences. Researchers throughout the world have found that the constant criticism and undermining can lead to:

Imposter Syndrome: You begin to doubt your abilities and feel like a fraud, even when evidence suggests otherwise. This self-doubt can paralyse your decision-making and creativity.

Anxiety and Stress: The unpredictability of toxic feedback creates a state of chronic stress. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly worried about the next criticism.

Decreased Self-Confidence: Repeated exposure to negative, unconstructive feedback can erode your belief in your professional capabilities and worth.

Physical Health Issues: Chronic workplace stress can manifest in physical symptoms, including headaches, insomnia, digestive problems, and a weakened immune system.

The Ripple Effect on Your Career

Toxic workplace feedback doesn’t just affect your current job – it can have lasting impacts on your career trajectory. When your confidence is shattered, you may:

• Avoid taking on challenging projects or seeking promotions
• Undervalue your skills when negotiating salary or benefits
• Carry negative self-perceptions into future job interviews
• Struggle to advocate for yourself in professional settings

Strategies for Protecting Your Self-Worth in a Toxic Workplace

1. Remember Your Accomplishments

When facing constant criticism from a toxic boss or other toxic sources, it’s crucial to maintain perspective on your actual abilities and achievements. Create a “success journal” where you document:

• Completed projects and their positive outcomes
• Positive feedback from clients, colleagues, or previous supervisors
• Skills you’ve developed and certifications you’ve earned
• Challenges you’ve overcome in your career
• Recognition and awards you’ve received

Review this journal regularly, especially after difficult interactions with toxic supervisors. This practice helps counteract the negative messaging and reminds you of your true value.

2. Build a Support Network

Isolation makes you more vulnerable to toxic influence. Cultivate relationships with:

Trusted Colleagues: Find allies within your organisation who can provide reality checks and emotional support.

Industry Mentors: Connect with professionals outside your company who can offer valuable perspectives on industry standards and provide career advice.

Professional Networks: Join industry associations or online communities where you can interact with peers and gain confidence in your professional identity.

Personal Support System: Don’t underestimate the importance of friends and family who knew you before this toxic situation and can remind you of your worth.

3. Document Everything

In toxic work environments, it’s essential to protect yourself legally and professionally. Maintain detailed records of:

• All feedback sessions, including dates, times, and specific comments made
• Email communications that demonstrate unreasonable demands or inappropriate behaviour
• Witnesses to toxic interactions
• Your responses and any attempts to address issues through proper channels

This documentation can be crucial if you need to file a complaint with HR or if the situation escalates to legal action.

Planning Your Strategic Exit

1. Assess Your Options

While you may not be able to leave immediately, start evaluating your options:

Internal Transfers: Research other departments or teams within your organisation that might offer a healthier work environment.

Skill Development: Use your current position to build skills that will make you more marketable elsewhere.

Financial Planning: Start saving money to give yourself a buffer during a job transition.

Network Building: Actively network within your industry to uncover new opportunities.

If you get stuck, working with a career coach can help.

2. Update Your Professional Materials

Begin refreshing your resume, LinkedIn profile, and portfolio. Focus on quantifiable achievements and skills that demonstrate your value to potential employers. Having these materials ready reduces the pressure to make hasty decisions when opportunities arise.

3. Set Boundaries with Your Toxic Boss While You’re There

While planning your exit, establish healthy boundaries to protect your mental health:

• Limit after-hours communication when possible
• Communicate your boundaries with HR and ask for support
• Practice stress-reduction techniques like meditation or exercise
• Avoid taking work problems home
• Seek counselling or therapy if needed to process the experience

Moving Forward: Learning from the Experience

Identifying Toxic Boss Red Flags in Future Opportunities

While working for a toxic boss was tough, I learned so many valuable lessons about myself and what I’m unwilling to tolerate – no matter how desperate I might be.

Your experience with toxic feedback can actually become a valuable tool for evaluating:

1. Your fears and insecurities

Nothing like working for a toxic boss to highlight any negative thoughts and feelings you have about yourself and your self-worth! Use working for a toxic boss or in a toxic environment as an opportunity for personal growth. What beliefs and insecurities do you have that are stopping you from knowing you’re worth more than what you’re tolerating right now? Working with a therapist or career coach can help.

But also

2. Future employers

During interviews, pay attention to:

• How potential managers discuss their management style
• The company’s approach to feedback and performance reviews
• Employee testimonials and online reviews
• The overall culture and communication patterns you observe

If you’re desperate and down to your last dollar, it’s OK to take a job that isn’t right for you. But if you already see the red flags, consider the job as a temporary solution while you continue to look for a job in an environment where you will be appreciated.

Rebuilding Your Professional Confidence

Recovery from a toxic work environment takes time. Be patient with yourself as you rebuild your confidence and professional identity. Consider working with a career coach or therapist who specialises in workplace trauma to accelerate your healing process.

Conclusion: Your Worth Isn’t Determined by Toxic Feedback

Remember that toxic feedback says more about the person delivering it than it does about you. Insecure managers and dysfunctional workplace cultures create environments where criticism is used as a weapon rather than a tool for growth.

Your professional worth isn’t determined by one person’s opinion, especially when that person is operating from a place of toxicity. Trust in your abilities, lean on your support network, and take concrete steps toward a healthier work environment.

You deserve to work in a place that values your contributions and supports your growth. While the journey away from toxicity may take time, every step you take toward protecting your self-worth and planning your future is an investment in your long-term career success and personal well-being.

Don’t let anyone else’s insecurities or toxic behaviour dim your professional light. You are worth more than whatever situation you’re currently tolerating, and with the right strategy and support, you can build a career that truly reflects your value and potential.